Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
