So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
