barbara walters just said penis...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
