ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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