Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
