i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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