totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
