K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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