Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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