Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
