The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
