apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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