I just threw up on my dentist
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
