no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Barsexuality is the new black.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
