I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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