why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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