i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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