so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
