Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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