My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
