I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
