let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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