today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
