we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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