Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
