I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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