OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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