So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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