basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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