the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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