i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
