Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
