and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
