Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
