that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize