how can u be prego again
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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