If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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