looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
