there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
