Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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