I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
