Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
