Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had sex on a roof
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
