Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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