Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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