I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
