do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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