i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
