I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
