It's like God shit irony all over that family
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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