I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We smell like vodka and hangover
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