I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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