He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
