it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Don't make out with my wife yet
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
