You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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