i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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