so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
