Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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