so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
