I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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