i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
