were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
