when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There r osticjed everywhere
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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