Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
