She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
