I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
