he puts the penis in happiness.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
