I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
