four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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