sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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