Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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