What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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