Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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