just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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