South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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