I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
