as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
whose parrot is this?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
