i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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