There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
